I need constant reassurance in life. I need to be reassured that my boyfriend still loves me, that I’m good at what I do, that the difficult situation I’m in will have an ending, that the sky is blue and grass is green (I’m afraid sometimes that I’m a nutcase and want to make sure I’m still seeing the right colors!)
It’s funny actually…when you’re told your whole life that you’re beautiful, smart, and talented at all you do…then people stop saying it, you start to doubt yourself. I’ve always been told I’m sooo talented and I need that constant reassurance that I’m still good, or I freak out and run away from my dream. I think parents can screw up a kid that way-telling them they’re amazing all of the time, then they start to expect it, and when it’s not said, they start to doubt themselves. There needs to be a happy balance. I don’t think my parents screwed up in this area…I think I’ve just been told too many times by too many people.
It’s kind of a high I get from hearing it. It fuels my drive and makes me follow my dreams.
One time, I was on this “high”, that I wrote & photographed a book of poems/photos called “black & white”, and was in the process of self-publishing it, but never finished. I even have a copy of it sitting on my bookshelf. I was so close to finishing it, it was even for sale on amazon, but I had some changes to make, and never finished, and people quit talking to me about it, so I never finished it.
I think I need to quit relying on what other people say. I need to find the drive within myself to make things happen. I think my drive right now is being fueled by the fact that I want to get out of the debt I’m in from school/hospital bills. I’m doing everything possible to make my career dream happen so that I can get out of debt (well, except for getting a full-time job, because then I’ll really give up my dream)
*Don’t get my wrong, I’m not a cocky person. I’m incredibly insecure, which is probably why I need the reassurance. I don’t want people assuming I have this “I’m so talented and amazing at life” attitude, because I, in no way, think that! 🙂
Well, that was a random tangent.